ceci n'est pas un desk

this is not a desk, yet this is where i work each n' every day.  while it is lovely, the fridge and many distractions are close!

today i wanted to change it up.  i went to the coffee shop down the block, strolled past the new yoga studio and chatted for a while with my favorite teacher (the owner).  drank 2 incredibly STRONG cups of $3 coffee, worked quite productively and met people.  good things.

life is changing.  i'm settling in, and simultaneously seeking to break out of the settle, live life adventurously as i know it can be.  see things, meet people, feel vibrant and awake.

i'm not complaining at all.  observing my feelings is all... 

yesterday i escaped the normalities of garage-cleaning to go for a hike.  minor guilt was swept away quickly once we got to the redwoods.  11 miles and 3 waterfalls later, we were singing along (getting low), waving to the ultra-marathoners, happy, tired, and not wanting sunday to end!  life in the bay is the best it can be stateside i think.

friday night i spent chatting online with a great friend and brother luis in venezuela.  he asks 'when are you going to marry my brother?' i respond - when he gets his butt to the US.  he says 'if you keep acting cold to him, he's not going to come.  if you open your heart, he will get himself there.'  harsh words, but true.

so here's the contradiction - i want adventure yet i won't leave the house.  i hate my job but i won't quit.  i want to fall in love, but won't open my heart to just anyone.  settling in...settling down...growing older...and wiser i think.  but at the same time there's a fire deep within that needs fanning.  to be irrational and fresh.

i sat down to write a letter twice to invite ramon to come here.  one time i spilled a cup of coffee in my computer (it's still sticky and smells).  the next, the internet stopped working (first time ever).  is this meaningful?  we shall see...

that's it for today.  i wonder if you are all still reading these posts, after nearly four years in cali.  it's been quite a ride, and it feels like i've gotten over the hump.  i expect life to keep changing, as it keeps getting better and more clear.

much love,
alis