amnesia

i imagine my mom was about 24 when she got permission (and a ticket) from her parents to leave their small town of maplewood, NJ and go visit europe for the summer. she went alone, and spent most of her trip in paris.

one day she awoke, a young woman in a parisian apartment, not remembering her name, where she was from, who she was. she spent the day inside the apartment and out, trying to solve the mystery.

these last few days have been rather tough for me. instability has misguided my thoughts, actions, and destroyed my equilibrium. i haven't really understood what's been going on, until i left today for another trip to the pacific ocean, and to bass lake.

on my journey, it became clear that i'm having a shaky time right now. i feel alone out here, walking forward on legs that are tired, on a path that's unsure. either moving in the wrong direction, or not moving at all.

every 2 months, or so, i get like this. i wonder what i am doing here in california, where people don't care for me the way they do back home. it's like i have no identity out here, no roots. at times like these i wonder - have i given up 2 years of good times for a new life that's not working out?

so, my question is, mom - how did you find yourself again once you had forgotten who you were?

xo
a