fate?

life has a funny way of making decisions for you.

the weekend michelle saw our new house, i was supposed to be out of town but my trip was canceled. we needed a third roommate, just as my great friend haley was told she needed to move. she wasn't expecting it, nor was i.

recently, i've been seeking answers. prior to finding a house or a roommate, all i wanted to do was move out of my lonely apartment. after finding both, i fear giving up my independence, my space, my view, my my mine.

since i moved here, i've been feeling something is off. i imagined building a relationship in this apartment, sharing it with someone i'd love, who would be home when i returned from work, when i awoke on the weekend, and so on.

that never happened in this house. instead, i left town. returned to an empty apartment that bore no fruit, had an empty refrigerator each time. faulty attempts to reconnect with friends, some of which have never healed. swine flu. gosh! times were 'rough'.

over the past few months, i've been building. nurturing relationships and weaving a web of community that feels great. getting my shit in order, finances, taking care of my body. things a 30 year-old does.

just at that moment of stability, just when the balls are juggling in unison, it's time to take it on the road.

i find myself turning old. change is harder. i resist it, mostly because of the energy i will have to exert to adjust myself. sometimes i feel that i just don't have it in me anymore...or do i?

today, i went back over to rich street. we opened the blinds and windows, sat on the front porch and stoop in the sun, and talked to neighbors. as i was closing up shop, i glanced out my window. the plush jasmine on the back fence wafted it's aroma into my room...the colors twinkled in the sun.

this house will mean physical labor in the yard, planting things front, back and side. learning to share my space, my food, our home. three powerful females nearing their third decade of existence...should be interesting.

this evening, packing boxes i noticed how much crap i have gathered and schlepped from the east. the sun set behind mount tam. this view, i will miss.

much love,
alis